The Parent’s Race

Believe it or not, I may only be 15 weeks pregnant now but I have already been hit by anxiety attacks regarding my child’s education. When I was a mere 7 weeks pregnant, I was suddenly gripped by this fascination with pre-natal learning theories and programmes. I was spending so much time at home because of the doctor’s bedrest orders that I decided to do research on infant books for my future baby-and-me time when I came across links to pre-natal learning books on Amazon. And I, the one who prides herself in advocating a holistic approach to child development and not mere intellectual growth, I was amazed and stunned by the vast number of devices that promised to help our young secure access to genius and success from the earliest time possible, which in their terms meant from the time they are about 18 weeks old in the womb.

There are recordings you could wear around your tummy to supposedly help the vital thinking and learning synapses form in your babies’ brains, making them more intelligently-wired sooner. I nearly wanted to invest $250 in one of those because I thought it was a paltry sum to pay for the benefits that my child would reap. I even considered the Glenn-Doman package so that my child could have a headstart in reading and earlier access to the knowledge pool. Recently, there has been an enrichment school advertising heavily on TV. Based on the work of a Japanese researcher, the Shichida method claims that it develops balanced and creative individuals and is able to help even children from 18months of age maximise their brain development and grow into geniuses. So it seems that it is not just the primary children who are facing tremendous performance stress for the 10-years of compulsory education, they have to contend with the pressure from a younger age. Even the infants are not spared.

The education enrichment companies play on a very real Achilles’ heel of most parents, that is to provide the best for their child. In today’s economy, the smarts are a very real asset. So which parent wouldn’t want their child to be a genius? But every parent who desires to help raise geniuses should also perhaps consider asking themselves the next two questions – How do I , not the society, define a genius? What are the non-material costs of raising a genius – to the child as well as the parent? These are the two questions I have, and still am, asking of myself as I realise that it is so easy to be waylaid by the wonderful child-growth programmes being touted by educational companies that are backed up by research and thus look oh-so-professional. All the stuff I was reading about these fantastic genius-making gizmos seemed to be all so good. This is my child and of course, I want the BEST for my child.

But what is really the best for my child? The best for a child shouldn’t be just based on what I as a parent, an adult think or feel about what I would like my child to have. It should also be balanced with what the child needs to develop into a healthy, happy and well-balanced individual. So what does a child need? The latest educational programmes in Singapore like MindChamps and Shichida say that this 21st century is the century of the Mind and a child needs to be taught to tap into the power of the mind. To quote Professor Makato Shichida, “Rearing children with enormous ability, rich creativity, and the capability to make use of high proportion of their brain should be the goal of child rearing.” Note how the professor co-relates child-rearing with the main goal of brain/cognitive development. But where is the place of important values like love, compassion, kindness, optimisim, hope in this concept of child rearing?

Psychologist Steve Biddulph sums up my sentiments quite nicely when he says, “We worry about our children learning piano or maths, when the really important lessons – happiness, calm and optimisim – can be totally neglected or even damaged by our misplaced efforts.” I am not against the need to develop the intellectual capacities of our children but I believe that the emphasis on cognitive development must be balanced with an equal emphasis on the affective, psychomotor, social and spiritual aspects of the child. I believe that these educational professionals can never, and should never, replace the vital role of the parent in inculcating values and the sense of self-worth in every child. I also believe that the parents’ love and unconditional acceptance and celebration of who the child is will serve a a bedrock for the child’s well-balanced growth in all aspects.

I mean, who really wants to see our society full of brilliant minds who are cold, cruel, self-seeking, egoistic and mercenary? But that would be the kind of society we might all contribute to creating if we simply agree with the educational entities to grow the minds without us striving to help our children balance their growing mind with the cultivation of their hearts and spirits.

As parents, we have probably the singular most powerful influence on the kinds of values our children will develop and these values are in turn determined by how we determine successful parenting. Technically speaking, I may not be a parent yet because my child is still growing in my womb, but I have chosen to think of myself as a parent already because I realise that I have to start working out my system of parenting values along with my husband. There are so many value-based decisions that my husband and I will have to make, or at least start thinking about, before we actually hit the crossroads in the journey where they have to be taken. As I reflect on my values, I have realised to my horror that I was taken by the pre-natal learning programmes because of my own selfish need to be affirmed as a ‘great parent’ and not so much wanting the best for my child.

Last but not least, I am glad I have decided not to buy the pre-natal learning kits. I thought about it again yesterday and I figured that if pre-natal learning programmes were really necessary, God would have included that some sound-playing device in our female bodies to help our babies grow. But since He didn’t, my baby probably doesn’t need them either.